I’m continuing with the Fair Play book I’m reading. While the topic of the book focuses on dividing family responsibilities, I couldn’t help but find that many of the principles mentioned can be applied to different aspects of life. I’m on Rule #4: Establish Your Values and Standards.

What is CPE?

CPE stands for Conception, Planning, and Execution. Whenever someone takes responsibility for a task, that person needs to be in charge of CPE. If the person needs help with the conception and planning and only focuses on the execution, that means the task hasn’t fully transferred to that person and still requires attention from others.

For example, if I’m in charge of taking out the trash, I need to pay attention to when the trash is full and needs to be taken out (conception), determine the optimal time for me to place the garbage outside for the collectors or garbage trucks (planning), take out the trash in a timely manner, replace the garbage can with a new garbage bag, and ensure there’s a new garbage bag in stock (execution).

Notes: It is best to create a sort of guide with steps or documents for the tasks you are responsible for, along with the goals/outcome, to easily hand over the task when you need help or pass it to others.

What is MSC?

MSC stands for Minimum Standard of Care. Different people have different views and standards on quality of living or how they do things.

Any action taken by a citizen should reflect the shared values and traditions of that specific community – Fair Play p.148

How do you figure out your family/community’s MSC?

By having a collaborative discussion with your partner about what is reasonable in your own home.

What if you and your partner has different MSC?

Ask yourselves:

1. Would a reasonable person (your partner, spouse, parents, caretaker)under similar circumstances do as I’ve done?
2. What is the community standard , and do we want to adopt this standard into our own home?
3. What’s the harm for doing, or not doing, it this way?
4. What is our “why”?

Figuring out your “why” is the most important and will be the motivator for you to take (or not take) action, consider the long game.

This is where you dig deep and ask yourself: “Why do we do things the way we do them? What are our values, and are we creating a set of standards we want our children to also buy into? When I look into the future, what’s the picture I want to see within our family frame? Most importantly, are we still in the frame together. -Fair Play p.155

Establish a MSC will remove the “I didn’t know what to do” excuses. Instead, you can trust your partner to take a CPE lead and follow through with care.

Rule #4 asks you and your partner to make expectation explicit to minimize disappointment and maximize trust in the relationship.

“It all comes down to trust” asserts Professor Forell. “If you can’t trust that the car will stop at the stop sign, you can’t feel safe crossing the road. Similarly, if you can’t trust your partner to care for the home by meeting your family’s minimum standards, then you’re not going to feel safe, heard or met in the relationship.